I have drifted to a new locale. Jake's was fun, while it lasted, but a new joint has opened up in town, and instead of the Hipsters and the college kids, Cigarz is the hang-out for an older, more seasoned, and decidedly more worldly clientele. It's the kind of place where the occupants have more stories, more experience and more secrets. Some secrets that need to be protected from exposure, and some secrets that need to be revealed.
Sam Hammett, private investigator, discreet inquiries, is what it said on my business card. I still had a bunch of them. I placed an order for 500 and still had most of them in a little box, back at the office. I carried some around with me, but I also had a small city constructed on my desk, while we all waited for the phone to ring.I was supposed to meet a client. I got the call a couple of days ago, and the case intrigued me enough to listen. The offer of half a G in order to solve it intrigued me even more. I sat puffing on an Isla del Sol, watching the smoke drift into the ventilation system and sort of paying attention to the myriad of TV's, all dedicated to news and highlights of the sports world. Serena Williams was obliterating yet another hapless Russian, Go Terminator. Don't get me wrong, I love Serena. I think she may be the best women's tennis player of all time. I also think she could probably dunk a basketball and pin me in under thirty seconds of wrestling, but I digress.
More stories about Colin Kaepernick and his refusal to stand for the National Anthem. Lots of hand-wringing and attacks on his patriotism, loyalty, intelligence and manhood. Tricky thing, that First Amendment. We veterans dedicated ourselves to protecting it, and I for one, get it, that sometimes the exercising of those rights can be something we disagree with. Personally, I think the flag represents the ideals we strive for, as well as the shortcomings of the Republic, currently and in the past. If dude wants to focus on the negative, that's all right with me, as long as he's cool with criticism from those of us who disagree with him. He'll be back to riding the pine, soon enough, and counting his 11 million bucks to watch the game from the sideline. Stupid, oppressive America.
Sigh.
FrankenAl was there. FrankenAl are a couple of older cats, late 60's or so, whop hang out just about every single day. Eavesdropping on their conversations is a trip. Frank is a 'Nam vet, served up in I Corps as one of Uncle Sam's Misbegotten Children. He's always got a big smile and a twinkle in his eye, but looks like he could still field strip your rib cage with a K-Bar if he needed to. Al is softer, claims he was at the '68 convention in Chicago. Sometimes you hear them solving the world's problems over a stout, sometimes it's the 1918-19 flu pandemic, and sometimes they are delving into the philosophical interpretations of The Big Lebowski.
The other reason I like Cigarz, is that it offers a greater degree of protection from the heat. There are days in Nebraska where the heat and humidity get to the point where it feels like a Great Dane is sitting in your lap, panting in your face. The bar is down an alley, in the shadow of a parking garage. It's air conditioned, and offers booze and cigars. What's not to love?
The season was turning from Hot to Football. Here, we have four seasons, Cold, Wet, Hot, and Football. The leaves were turning, the wind making those leaves skitter through the gutter and the topic of conversation typically revolved around predicted season record, and who was going to play third-string tackle. A couple of players had been suspended for the season opener, one dude for getting busted for DUI, the other for 'an unspecified violation of team rules'. I always like that one, it allows me to make up my own stories about what the kid had done. Pure speculation, here, but I wondered if he road tripped to Colorado, partook of the perfectly legal brownies, there, and then tested positive. Remember kids, you can get drunk off your ass, and nobody gives a rat's ass, because it's legal. Drop some herbally infused edibles, and it's still a no-no, if it's in the team handbook.
I have no idea if that's what happened or not. Just spitballing.
The season opener is tomorrow. The Fresno State Bulldogs are rolling into town. It is a 7 o'clock kickoff and about 90,000 people will be downtown and drunk. Riley Mk.II will be on display, and we'll get to see if a year of familiarity with the system makes things a little bit better. Another year of knowing what is in the playbook and in the coach's head for everybody should make things a little more efficient, a little more cohesive. Hopefully less improvisation and check downs to plays that don't even exist. Fewer examples of not being lined up in the proper place to pick up a blitzing linebacker from the quarterback's blind side. More familiarity for the defense so they can read and react, instead of thinking about what they are supposed to be doing. Having to think, slows reaction time. When a receiver is blazing past you with his 4.4 speed, you don't want to waste even .05 seconds wondering if you're doing the right thing.
Tommy Armstrong is back for his final year. Hopefully the coaches realize that he is closer to being Cam Newton than he is Joe Montana, and let him use his speed and athleticism, more, than trying to force him to be a pocket passer, making multiple reads and hitting those 8-yard outs. Tommy's deep passes are good. His short passes are ok. His medium passes are an adventure, every time.
The receiving corps is stacked. This may be the best pass catching unit Nebraska has ever seen. There are 6 guys who are legitimate targets on every play. Jordan Westerkamp and his awesome porn 'stache could break several career records, this year. Cethan Carter has finally showed up, and is a real threat on seam patterns from the tight end position.
Nebraska is deep at running back. There are about 4 guys who could start about anywhere in the B1G, except for maybe Michigan and Ohio State. If the staff commits to the run, like they did against UCLA, big things will happen. The O-line is the big question mark. They are bigger and stronger than last year, but they are not very experienced. Hopefully, they gel quickly, so Tommy isn't scrambling for his life on every third down greater than 3 yards.
On defense, the line is also a bit novice, but Freedom Akinmolodun is back, and I hope is ready to sack opposing quarterbacks, with abandon. Note to the student section, whenever he gets a sack, I want to hear, 'Freedom!', a la Braveheart.
The linebackers might be the best unit at that position, in years. Talent and experience will have them as the strength of the defense. They finally have some depth, too, so if someone gets hurt, it's not a green flag to the opposition to go after the replacement.
The defensive backfield is an intriguing situation. They were really bad, last year, so I'm hoping that experience and learning the scheme will lead to a big improvement.
The kicking game is a mystery. Drew Brown seemed to figure it out, last year, and will be pretty reliable. The punting duties are going to be interesting, following the tragic death of Sam Foltz. While I am interested in seeing how the team pays tribute to him, in the first punting situation, I'd rather not have to punt.
That could happen against Fresno. The Bulldogs are a far cry from the team that could scare a good D-1 program or even pull off the occasional upset. It may take a few possessions to shake off the rust and work out the kinks, and Cowboy Steve tells me Nebraska is favored by 28. Just looking at the talent and depth disparity, Nebraska should pound them into oblivion. Tennessee should have pounded Appalachian State, last night, too, but needed overtime to pull it out.
It;s not a very big limb, but I think the Huskers will cover, and this year gets out to a nice, satisfying 45-14 bang.
My client finally showed up. He looked nervous. He looked familiar. he pulled a laptop computer out of its carrying bag and plopped it down on the table, next to me. "I need help," he said. "This damned thing has gotten me into some trouble, and I need someone like you to get me out of it."
I took a big drag from the cigar. Computers. Shit. I was really hoping he had been conned into investing in a guided fishing LLC in Mali. Maybe he had sent the wrong e-mail in a fit of interoffice squabbling, and needed me to create a detente situation by digging up dirt on the rival. It was probably porn, though. Whatever it was, I would need to retain Lloyd Ellroy, tech-geek to the stars, to help me out.
I didn't want to touch it. I tapped the grey, consumed carbon into the ash tray.
"Porn?" I asked.
He nodded.
Sometimes I hate being right.
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