The Real National Championship Game

     There hasn't been a lot going on at the office and the crew is having to find different ways to pick up the slack and defeat the boredom. Except for Leroix.
     Leroix has got the biggest game of the year on his agenda. The game where the team that will win the National Championship will emerge. Sure, there's all sorts of what ifs, hypothetical and antithetical scenarios floating around out there, but for my money, this week's LSU at Alabama game is the game that is really for the National Championship.
     Leroix called me from a place called "Bottomfeeders". He must have gone with a group, because he seemed to talking with a level of confidence when one isn't worried about being discovered deep in enemy territory.
     "What's up, Leroix," I said, trying to match his level of enthusiasm.
     "Whoo, boy. Ah'm deep in inside Gump-land, but I gots me some o' deh best fried catfish outside o' deh bayou, some spicy hushpuppies and a nice, cold beer."
     "I'm surpised you aren't skulking around, trying to lay low until the game starts."
     "Nah, nah, nah, cher. You can get into enemy territory pretty easy when you been workin' deh rigs wit' deh owners. Me and deh guy dat runs dis place spent many a day out in deh gulf. Now, ah know dat every other year ah have to stop in and take mah share of abuse from Nathan Bedford Forrest Jackson, and in return, Ah have to offer him safe passage when he comes down to Red Stick. In scientific terms, it's called mutualism."
     I sometimes forget that Leroix has his B.S. "So who are you going to pick? As if I need to ask."
     "Fust, I need to tell you about the South Carolinah-Arkansaw game. The Sooey pigs have made a habit out of comin' from behind, makin' deh game all excitin' and such. Dis time, dey gonna bite off more dan dey can chew. Deh Gamecocks got too good a defense to let deh piggies come back. Steve Superior has to win in order to punch his ticket for the SEC Championship. Cocks 23-Piggies 17."
     "Now for the big one."
     "Dis one goan be one for deh ages. Bot' teams got great defenses. Deh' Gumps have a better ground game, but Les Tigres got deh better passin' attack. Bot' teams got playmakers on deh special teams, and bot' teams got excellent coaches. What dis game will come down to, is dat it's in Tuscaloosa, and not Red Stick. Bot' teams will be in dey're best colors and under deh lights, just like Les Tigres love to play. Dat home field is what it will come down to. As much as I love Lee, and JJ, and deh Honey Badger, Ah t'ink dat deh Bama ground game will decide dis t'ing late. It ak-tchally hurts me to do dis...Gumps 28, Tigres 24."
     The talk of Gumps reminded me that I needed to call up Bubba in the OKC. "How are things down in Okly-homa?" I asked.
     "I've got two semi-intresting games, now that we are just biding time to the Bedlam game, in December. My Sooners get to trash, A&M, even though Tannehill is dangerous. The Gaggies till don't know how to put a complete game together. Sooners 45, Junior Brownshirts 27. Accross the way, the Cow Rapers are getting ready to thump K-State. This one might be closer than a lot of people think. OSU's offense will be all over K-State's defense, but OSU's defense is still awful, and Bill Snyder will try to play keep-away. I don't think he'll be able to keep it away that much, and the Cow Rapers will prevail 51-24 over the Purple Pussies."
     I got a hold of Marcus, out west, and had to get his take on three games.
     "Dude, I've got two duds, and one that might have the potential for an upset, Dude"
     "Let me have them."
     "Dude, Boise State will cruise all over UNLV, and then get to have a good time on the Strip. Buncos 49, Rebels 17. The Hoover School of Public Policy gets to travel to Corvallis, Oregon to work on a group thesis of 'Why does Corvallis even exist?' Mr. Luck gets back on track by playing a practice game, Stanford 56, Beavers 20, Dude."
     "What's the potential upset?"
     "Dude, Oregon has to go to Seattle and play in the last game in Husky Stadium in its current configuration. Washingto actually has an offfense this year, and Oregon has games where they  have lapses. I don't hink the Quackers will hiccup, but it might be close. Let's say Quackers 42, Purple Puppies 35, dude."
     I had to get Grandma and Lloyd in on their B1G picks.
     "I'll just be passsing the time waiting for 'Bama and LSU," Grandma said, chuckling drily. "I've got the Hosers at THE Ohio State, and will watch Braxton Miller go all EASports on Indiana. Ohio State 47, Hosers 17. In my other boring-ass game, I have the Boilmakers going up to Camp Randall to play Wisky, and getting yet another beat-down. Stinking Badgers 48, Boils 14. One word of warning. My old boyfriend has been able to get a weeks worth of naps in, getting his guys ready for next week when Nebraska has to travel to Ia Drang. Just be ready, Huskerfan."
     "Thanks, Grandma. enjoy the SEC show. Give me what you've got, Lloyd."
     "Both Michigan schools playing the bottom feeders of the LegendS division. Sparty is hosting the Golden Rodents. With it being at home, the Thpartans should win it 30-13. Wolverhampton has to go to Iowa, but the Hackneys are a broken team. Shoelaces still goes crazy on them, Wolvies 35, Hackneys 14."
     This week turned out to be all about football. The silence from our once and future friend was beginning to concern me. Not really. If Fun Boy Davison never turned up again, that would be fine for all of us.
     Husk-husk and on the qb.