Week 8 picks

It was time to gather the troops, get their ideas for the upcoming games and set them on their tasks to find out just who Alan Davison is, and, as the English say, "what's he on about?"

            I called up Leroix, down in Red Stick. "How's it going down on the bayou?"

            "T'ings is troubled down heah, cher," he replied, his Cajun accent as thick as gumbo with extra okra. "I gots three minah distractions and three major distractions that jus' don' set raht."

            "Tell me what's up, Leroix."

            "Deh minah distractions are Arkansas at Mississippi, which deh Sooey-Pigs should win pretty easily, 45-10, le's say. Deh Red Tide gets to play host to deh Voles of Tennessee, and shun't have no prawblem wit' dem, either. 'Bama Red Necks 42, Voles 3. Den I gots deh Tigres L'Orange tearin' up some powdah blue Billy Goats from Nort' Carolinah, who are countin' down deh days to basketball season. Clemson 38-24."

            "So, what are the major distractions?" I asked, already having a good idea that a drug bust was what he had on his mind. Not his, but three LSU players.

            "Tharold Simon, Spencer Ware and deh Honey Badger, Tyrann Mathieu, all suspended for violation of deh teams 'drug policy'. And we gots to play Auburn, who ain't deh Auburn of las' year cause 'Scam' Newton is gone, but dis game jus' got more interesting den it needed to be. Ah still t'ink Les Tigres de LSU goanna win, but it will be a lot closer dan it needed be. LSU Tigres 28, Auburn Tiggers 17."

            "Thanks, Leroix. I need for you to make some checks on employment history on that file I sent you. Can you still get that for me despite all the distractions?"

            "Shoo, Cap, I ain't never let you down. I gar-an-tee ah'l get it done."

            I had to call up Bubba, and see how his picks were coming along. "Bubba, how's it going in the most powerful state in college football?"

            "Let's just say things are fixin' to get real interesting on the first week of December. If both Alabama and LSU drop a game, and if the Sooners and Cowboys keep winning, their game could be #1 v. #2 and the game of the 21st century."

            "Great," I said. "Here and now. What's on tap, this week?"

            "My Sooners are hosting Texas Tech. First home game in two weeks and Tech is about on par with Texas. I'd say Sooners 48, Red Rooters 21. At the eastern edge of the conference, the whiniest team that nobody wants is going up against the Cow Rapers. I'm not calling for an upset, but this game will be closer than people think. Okie Lite gets off to slow starts sometimes, and Misery plays pretty well at home. I think this may be a one possession game, OSU 35, Misery 28."

            "Got it down. I need for you to discreetly enquire about any criminal dealings with our new best friend, Alan."

            Bubba laughed. "Enquire discreetly? I'll ask around a bit and find out what the word on the street is. Based on what you've told me, I'm bettin' it comes up a dry well."

            I placed my next call to Marcus, who seemed to be just waking up. His voice sounded as thick and damp as a Bay Area fog.

            "Let's hear the news, Mr. McCleod."

            "Dude, Boise should have no problem with Air Force unless they're allowed to use Reapers. Buncos 52-17. Oregon gets to go to the People's Soviet Socialist Republic of Boulder and the clouds that will be at ground level won't be cumulo-nimbus, if you get my drift."

            I did.

            "The Quackers should handle the Fubbaloes even if their third string quarterback starts. Ducks 38, Fubbs 10. In the most compelling game of the week, for me, anyway, Stanford has to go to Seattle and show off Andrew Luck to all the Seahawk fans. He will tease them since they have already won too many games to get a shot at drafting him. He will pick apart that Husky secondary. The Puppies will score, just not often enough. Tell Cassandra her boyfriend will look awesome. Stanford School of Public Policy 45, U-Dub 31, dude."

            "You know what else I need on that file I sent you, right?"

            "Dude, don't talk drug shit on the phone."

            "I didn't, Marcus."

            "Ahhh, dude." click.

            I called up Grandma, who was owning Lloyd over the past few weeks, but she only had one game, and Lloyd needed to catch up. "How are we doing, Grandma?"

            "Just fine, Deary. Keeping my Remington .30-06 ready just in case another crazed Bengal Tiger tries to get in."

            "Grandma, your miles away from Zanesville, and what do you mean, 'another'?"

            "I blasted one at 200 yards just yesterday. I don't want to go out to check, because they're all over the place."

            "I think they got all of them, Grandma."

            "Oh. Maybe that explains why Mrs. Tressel's god-damned cat didn't yowl me awake this morning. Pity."

            "Who's going to win the game?" I sighed.

            The Illness bounces back, but the Boilmakes make them earn it. IU 27, PU 24."

            "Thanks Grandma, I'll let you know if we need anybody 'taken out'"

            Lloyd was busy, trying to determine the outcomes of his three games. "In a nutshell, The Hackneys beat the Hosers 31-21. The Knitting Lions get by, yet again, past Northwestern 26-20, and in the B1G game of the week. Whisky beats Sparty, but not as bad as they beat us, setting up next week's game here as an epic battle for the LegendS division. Russell Wilson makes too many plays, and Gholston is suspended for a game for MSU. Score, Stinking Badgers 31, Thpartans 20."

            I wonder if Lloyd or Grandma is in the lead.

Husk-husk, and on the QB.

Plus, here is an awesome video. Enjoy, Huskerfan

http://huskernsider.tumblr.com/post/11701076316/heres-the-ultimate-n-sider-celebrating-history