Cassandra joined us at the table. 'Safety Dance' by Men Without Hats was blaring from the speakers. I couldn't quite see the stage. Perhaps that was best.
"Ive been doing your homework for you, again," she said. Made the calls that needed to be made and collated what needed to be collated."
I was trying to think if there had been any legwork that I had outsourced to her. I couldn't think of any, but I reminded myself that her legs were more than capable. I was starting to sound like Preach, I thought. "What did I forget?"
"This week's picks," she said. "I made the calls to your assortment of hoods, con-men and hucksters and got their predictions for you."
"Hey. Those are my friends," I said. "You're right about them, but still..."
"Who does LeRoix say will win in his red-neck of the woods," Lloyd asked.
"He picks Auburn Tigres two-point-oh over 12. Clemson Tigers two-point-one; 8. South Carolina Gamey Cocks over Vandy; 6. Florida State over Murray State, duh; 5. Ugas of Georgia over Buffalo not the Bills; and 3. Les Tigres of LSU over North Texas, double-duh."
"LeRoix is always so busy this time of year. What about Bubba?"
"Your mobbed up buddy down in OKC only has two picks this week. He's taking 11. West Virginia over Marshall, and of course, his beloved 4. Oklahoma-Oklahoma-Oklahoma over The West Texas town of El Paso."
"Good, good," I said. "You were able to get a hold of Marcus, out on the Left Coast?"
"Yes, sirree, I did. He says 9. Oregon Quackers over Arkansas State, and 2. University of Spoiled Children over Hawaii, the prettiest place in the country to play bad football."
"Cool. That just leaves Granny's picks from the Leaders division and we have Lloyd right here for the Legends of the B1G."
"Yep, almost done," Cassandra sighed. "Granny is going with 11. Wisconsin's Stinking Badgers over Northern Iowa; The Ohio State Buckys to beat Miami of Ohio; Purdue Boilmakers will top Eastern Kentucky; Illness will prevail over Western Michigan; The Hosers of Indiana will beat Indiana State in the Hoo-gives-a-crap bowl; and Pederasty State will hold on to beat Ohio."
"Pederasty State? Nice," I nodded. I Looked over at Lloyd. "What have you got, in the good division?"
"The Golden Rodents of Minnesota will get off to a good start, beating UNLV. The Purple Pussies of Northwestern will squeak by Syracuse. The Iowa Hackneys will Beat Northern Illinois. The Michigan State Thpartans will fall in an early season upset to Boise State. And the Other half of Michigan will be sad when 7. Wolverhampton gets Rolled over by the Crimson Elephants of 1. Alabama."
"That just leaves me with my Husker prediction for tomorrow," I said. "It seems like business here is concluded."
Preach, Cassandra and Lloyd all left me alone at the table. I was trying to finish my bourbon and figure out my next move. I supposed I should meet the guys from the band, figure out what they knew and how they were set up for funds. The down side of missing persons cases was that it meant a lot of legwork. The other big question that came up with these kinds of cases, 'what if she didn't want to be found?'
Husk-husk and on the qb.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Blackshirts to the Front
Preacherman came strolling in to "Our Lady" wearing an old black suit, white shirt, skinny black tie, shades and and a fedora, looking like Howlin' Wolf come back to life, looking for booze, women and good times he might have missed out on when he was alive.
As if.
Somehow he made his way to the table and sat down heavily without ever removing his focus from Candide, who was performing a routine to Living Color's 'Cult of Personality' in which she removed layer after layer of newspapers.
"Preacherman," I shouted as I stood and shook his hand. "What can I get for you? From the bar, anyway."
"Aw, man. You always one step ahead of me," he chuckled in his throaty baritone. "Johnny Walker, black, would be just the thing to get me going on the topic at hand."
"That sounds good," I said. I placed the order with the waitress who sauntered away. If Preacherman's eyes hadn't been stuck in his head, they would have locked on to the waitresses six o'clock like a flying ace. "Break the 'Shirts down for me, Preach. Who are we going to see out there on Saturday?"
Preach composed himself after a congratulatory 'Mm-mm-mmmh'. I wasn't sure who or what he was congratulating. "Let's start with the d-line. That was a banged up group in the spring, but Meredith, Ankrah, Steinkuhler and Rome seem to be the guys that will start. Expect to see Jason Ankrah and Eric Martin out there a lot, too. People don't realize how banged up this unit was last year, especially after Crick got hurt. I'm not saying that Rome is better than Crick, but what I am saying is that this year's unit is better from end to end than last year's. More experience and bettwr motivated with some young guys waiting in the wings to step up if given the chance."
"All right, Preach," I said. "How in the world are we ever going to replace Lavonte David? That guy single-handedly saved at least three games, last year."
The waitress came back with Preacherman's drink. He struggled to disengage his eyes from the depths of her shirt, barely managing to get a quick glance at her face as he thanked her, before locking on again as she left.
"Engage, Maverick, engage," Lloyd said, barely looking up from a collection of parts and wires that I think was the circulatory system of his iPad.
"Just chill, baby," Preach intoned as he sipped at his JW. "We got Compton back in the middle playing defensive quarterback. Fisher is finally starting to own it and in my humble opinion, Zaire Anderson will be this year's Lavonte. I mean, c'mon. You got to love a brother with an African country for a first name. Just as long as it isn't, you know, South Africa or Niger or Libya."
Lloyd looked up a little too quickly and gave Preach a look that was half accusatory, half interrogation.
"Tell me about the D-backs, Preach," I said.
"No 'Zo Dennard this year, but this year we've got seven quality guys battling for five spots if you include the nickle. We've got Seisay and Green on the corners, with Evans and hard-hitting Stafford at the safeties. Cooper, Smith, and Jean-Baptiste are all quality defenders. This unit grew up last year and will be even better this year."
"What do you think, overall? Is this year's squad an improvement over last year's," I asked.
"Let me put it to you this way. This year the Blackshirts are better in more positions than they're worse at. They lose Crick, David and Dennard, true enough, but they have improved in the other eight. If you want me to divine the future and pick who I think will getting the most highlight time on Sportscenter, I think it will be Meredith on the line, Anderson at linebacker and Stafford in the secondary."
I nodded as I absorb the info Preacherman had dropped on me.
"One more thing," he added. "Papuchis, the new d-coordinator is actually an improvement. Papuchis has been learning the Bo system of defense for years, now and is wholly committed to making this defense work. He isn't distracted by fresh, ineligible talent."
Lloyd looked up again. "Have you noticed how relaxed Bo is this year?" he asked. "Look at the post practice interviews and press conferences. He doesn't look like he wants to perform an endoscope with the TV camera on the nearest reporter."
"What do you that means?" I asked Lloyd.
"Dunno. Watch out? I feel good about this team and I'm about to let it off the leash. That's my theory, anyway."
Good theory, Lloyd.
Husk-husk and on the qb.
As if.
Somehow he made his way to the table and sat down heavily without ever removing his focus from Candide, who was performing a routine to Living Color's 'Cult of Personality' in which she removed layer after layer of newspapers.
"Preacherman," I shouted as I stood and shook his hand. "What can I get for you? From the bar, anyway."
"Aw, man. You always one step ahead of me," he chuckled in his throaty baritone. "Johnny Walker, black, would be just the thing to get me going on the topic at hand."
"That sounds good," I said. I placed the order with the waitress who sauntered away. If Preacherman's eyes hadn't been stuck in his head, they would have locked on to the waitresses six o'clock like a flying ace. "Break the 'Shirts down for me, Preach. Who are we going to see out there on Saturday?"
Preach composed himself after a congratulatory 'Mm-mm-mmmh'. I wasn't sure who or what he was congratulating. "Let's start with the d-line. That was a banged up group in the spring, but Meredith, Ankrah, Steinkuhler and Rome seem to be the guys that will start. Expect to see Jason Ankrah and Eric Martin out there a lot, too. People don't realize how banged up this unit was last year, especially after Crick got hurt. I'm not saying that Rome is better than Crick, but what I am saying is that this year's unit is better from end to end than last year's. More experience and bettwr motivated with some young guys waiting in the wings to step up if given the chance."
"All right, Preach," I said. "How in the world are we ever going to replace Lavonte David? That guy single-handedly saved at least three games, last year."
The waitress came back with Preacherman's drink. He struggled to disengage his eyes from the depths of her shirt, barely managing to get a quick glance at her face as he thanked her, before locking on again as she left.
"Engage, Maverick, engage," Lloyd said, barely looking up from a collection of parts and wires that I think was the circulatory system of his iPad.
"Just chill, baby," Preach intoned as he sipped at his JW. "We got Compton back in the middle playing defensive quarterback. Fisher is finally starting to own it and in my humble opinion, Zaire Anderson will be this year's Lavonte. I mean, c'mon. You got to love a brother with an African country for a first name. Just as long as it isn't, you know, South Africa or Niger or Libya."
Lloyd looked up a little too quickly and gave Preach a look that was half accusatory, half interrogation.
"Tell me about the D-backs, Preach," I said.
"No 'Zo Dennard this year, but this year we've got seven quality guys battling for five spots if you include the nickle. We've got Seisay and Green on the corners, with Evans and hard-hitting Stafford at the safeties. Cooper, Smith, and Jean-Baptiste are all quality defenders. This unit grew up last year and will be even better this year."
"What do you think, overall? Is this year's squad an improvement over last year's," I asked.
"Let me put it to you this way. This year the Blackshirts are better in more positions than they're worse at. They lose Crick, David and Dennard, true enough, but they have improved in the other eight. If you want me to divine the future and pick who I think will getting the most highlight time on Sportscenter, I think it will be Meredith on the line, Anderson at linebacker and Stafford in the secondary."
I nodded as I absorb the info Preacherman had dropped on me.
"One more thing," he added. "Papuchis, the new d-coordinator is actually an improvement. Papuchis has been learning the Bo system of defense for years, now and is wholly committed to making this defense work. He isn't distracted by fresh, ineligible talent."
Lloyd looked up again. "Have you noticed how relaxed Bo is this year?" he asked. "Look at the post practice interviews and press conferences. He doesn't look like he wants to perform an endoscope with the TV camera on the nearest reporter."
"What do you that means?" I asked Lloyd.
"Dunno. Watch out? I feel good about this team and I'm about to let it off the leash. That's my theory, anyway."
Good theory, Lloyd.
Husk-husk and on the qb.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Lloyd on the Offense, 2012
When Lloyd finally showed up, Mr. Beam and I had gone a few rounds together and the theme at 'Our Lady' had shifted to '80's retro. One of the performers was down to leg warmers and a pair of 'Hello Kitty' underwear.
"How appropriate," I thought.
Lloyd hurried into the bar and plunked his man-purse--I mean satchel, Indiana Jones carries one, you know, onto the table and sat down.
"Lloyd, my man, what's this 'project' I keep hearing about?" I asked.
"For one thing, it's not ready for the big unveiling. For another, there are a couple of components that aren't behaving in their designed manner. For a third thing, I have a thirst as powerful as my power supply, and that needs to be taken care of first."
I waved at the Space Oddity, who took and delivered Lloyd's Carling lager as fast as a Mercury mission.
"If you aren't ready to unveil the 'Project', what else do you have for me?"
Lloyd opened up his satchel and pulled out an iPad with a bright, red, Huskers cover. "I wanted to go over the offense with you, today," he said, matter-of-factly. ""Preacherman said he'd be over later to talk about the Blackshirts, as long as you were still here."
"Right," I said. ""Might as well get our mutual obsession satisfied instead of actually doing the stuff we get paid for."
Lloyd gave me a brief look, weighing whether or not I was serious, before deciding to proceed.
Lloyd made a few taps at the Pad, some with a little flourish that I couldn't decide was a security method or if he had succumbed to the prevailing iPad user showiness that made them look like concert pianists playing a toy piano. "The biggest question mark I have is on offensive line."
"How so?" I asked, leaning back in my seat.
"Barney has to replace three starters from last year, including the center. They are all big enough, but strength has been a question for years, now. The knock on Barney is that he gets big guys that get pushed around. I have a feeling that this has to be his best unit, show signs of improvement or even his +3 Osborne shield may not be enough to save him."
"Why does his Osborne shield get a +3?"
"If Barney goes, so do three other Cottons."
"Make it +2, Ben's gone after this season, anyway."
"Fine, +2. I think we'll be fine at tackle, even with Moore leaving. Qvale has come into his own, Sirles is getting better and better. Choi and Long could be really good guards, with Rodriguez in the mix. Throw in one of the Cotton boys to add depth and we have six guys that can rotate the four positions. Center is the big question. Justin Jackson, Cole Pensick and Mark Pelini are duking it out. We may not know who gets it until Saturday."
"Very nice, what else have you got?"
"We are pretty much loaded at the skill positions. At receivers, Enunwa, Bell, Turner and Marlowe all offer speed, Enunwa is a dump truck when it comes to blocking and the others have upped their game on blocking, too. There is a lot of call to bring Westercamp in, but I think he should redshirt. Throw Ben Cotten and Reed in at Tight End and Martinez will have lots of quality targets to throw to,"
"Speaking of Martinez, is he getting ahead of the curve, or is he regressing?"
"I'll get to him in a minute. I want to hit the running backs. Burkhead (I-backasaurus Rex), is the official Heisman candidate for Nebraska. Hopefully he wont have to carry the ball 30+ times a game. Abdullah, Heard and even Imani Cross could get into it to spell Burkhead with Marrow leading the way at fullback."
"Finally, the big question, is Martinez finally ready for the Big Time?"
"Dunno," Lloyd sighed. We haven't really seen him for eight months. We keep hearing that he has improved his mechanics. We hear that his leadership and demeanor are better. We hear that he is healthy. Let me put it to you this way, for the first time in his career, high school included, he hasn't had to learn a completely new playbook. With the skill position players at his disposal, there is no reason for him not to have a very successful season. Huskerfan will be happy as long as he doesn't turn the ball over and as long as the Huskers win. Any stumbles will have the wolves howling for his backup, whether it is Kellogg, Carnes or Armstrong."
With that, Lloyd shut down his iPad, relaxed and nodded to the Preacherman, who had just walked in.
Husk-husk and on the qb.
"How appropriate," I thought.
Lloyd hurried into the bar and plunked his man-purse--I mean satchel, Indiana Jones carries one, you know, onto the table and sat down.
"Lloyd, my man, what's this 'project' I keep hearing about?" I asked.
"For one thing, it's not ready for the big unveiling. For another, there are a couple of components that aren't behaving in their designed manner. For a third thing, I have a thirst as powerful as my power supply, and that needs to be taken care of first."
I waved at the Space Oddity, who took and delivered Lloyd's Carling lager as fast as a Mercury mission.
"If you aren't ready to unveil the 'Project', what else do you have for me?"
Lloyd opened up his satchel and pulled out an iPad with a bright, red, Huskers cover. "I wanted to go over the offense with you, today," he said, matter-of-factly. ""Preacherman said he'd be over later to talk about the Blackshirts, as long as you were still here."
"Right," I said. ""Might as well get our mutual obsession satisfied instead of actually doing the stuff we get paid for."
Lloyd gave me a brief look, weighing whether or not I was serious, before deciding to proceed.
Lloyd made a few taps at the Pad, some with a little flourish that I couldn't decide was a security method or if he had succumbed to the prevailing iPad user showiness that made them look like concert pianists playing a toy piano. "The biggest question mark I have is on offensive line."
"How so?" I asked, leaning back in my seat.
"Barney has to replace three starters from last year, including the center. They are all big enough, but strength has been a question for years, now. The knock on Barney is that he gets big guys that get pushed around. I have a feeling that this has to be his best unit, show signs of improvement or even his +3 Osborne shield may not be enough to save him."
"Why does his Osborne shield get a +3?"
"If Barney goes, so do three other Cottons."
"Make it +2, Ben's gone after this season, anyway."
"Fine, +2. I think we'll be fine at tackle, even with Moore leaving. Qvale has come into his own, Sirles is getting better and better. Choi and Long could be really good guards, with Rodriguez in the mix. Throw in one of the Cotton boys to add depth and we have six guys that can rotate the four positions. Center is the big question. Justin Jackson, Cole Pensick and Mark Pelini are duking it out. We may not know who gets it until Saturday."
"Very nice, what else have you got?"
"We are pretty much loaded at the skill positions. At receivers, Enunwa, Bell, Turner and Marlowe all offer speed, Enunwa is a dump truck when it comes to blocking and the others have upped their game on blocking, too. There is a lot of call to bring Westercamp in, but I think he should redshirt. Throw Ben Cotten and Reed in at Tight End and Martinez will have lots of quality targets to throw to,"
"Speaking of Martinez, is he getting ahead of the curve, or is he regressing?"
"I'll get to him in a minute. I want to hit the running backs. Burkhead (I-backasaurus Rex), is the official Heisman candidate for Nebraska. Hopefully he wont have to carry the ball 30+ times a game. Abdullah, Heard and even Imani Cross could get into it to spell Burkhead with Marrow leading the way at fullback."
"Finally, the big question, is Martinez finally ready for the Big Time?"
"Dunno," Lloyd sighed. We haven't really seen him for eight months. We keep hearing that he has improved his mechanics. We hear that his leadership and demeanor are better. We hear that he is healthy. Let me put it to you this way, for the first time in his career, high school included, he hasn't had to learn a completely new playbook. With the skill position players at his disposal, there is no reason for him not to have a very successful season. Huskerfan will be happy as long as he doesn't turn the ball over and as long as the Huskers win. Any stumbles will have the wolves howling for his backup, whether it is Kellogg, Carnes or Armstrong."
With that, Lloyd shut down his iPad, relaxed and nodded to the Preacherman, who had just walked in.
Husk-husk and on the qb.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Week One Run-up
The rain beading up on the window was a welcome sight. The summer had been as long, hot and uncomfortable as a made-for-tv drama with Don Johnson. I had been working on several cases that kept me busy, but at the moment I was performing an evidence review on the case of bourbon vs. rye. Bourbon had presented some excellent prima facie evidence, but rye was getting doing a good enough job on raising counter points that were creating a decent sense of reasonable doubt.
A sharp rap on my office door caused me to twisted awkwardly as Effie, my secretary, client screener and emergency operative walked in.
"You've got a visitor, Sam," she said, somewhat tentatively.
"A client?"
"No. Not a client. Not exactly." She chewed on her lip as she closed the door, pushing it closed with her back. She stared at the floor.
I decided that now would be a good time to take my feet off the piles of manila envelopes sitting on the filing cabinet and swivel around to face her before I lost my balance and fell off the chair, which would result in a grievous case of alcohol abuse. I granted a continuance and stashed the bottles.
Effie looked downcast, and the way she kept her hands behind herself told me she really didn't want me to know something, "C'mon, Effie, spill it. What's going on?" I asked using my concerned big brother voice. She's one of the few people in the world I trust, and I was hoping that she could trust me with whatever was bothering her.
"I have a problem, and I need a favor," she finally explained to the floor. "I invested some money in a project, and, well..."
"What kind of investment are we talking about?" I asked uneasily.
"Well, I have this...friend...who wanted to manage a band."
I leaned back in my chair and rolled my eyes. She hates when I do that, but I couldn't help it. "How much did you give this...'friend'," I asked, barely keeping my tone civil.
"10,000 dollars," she whispered.
"10 grand?" I nearly shouted. "A: where did you get 10 G's? I know how much I don't pay you. B: 'Starting a Band' is one of the oldest scams in the book. And 3: I don't even know were I'll start to look."
Her head snapped up. I winked at her. A faint smile was struggling to gain ground on her face. "You're going to take it?"
I slumped back in my chair, "Yeah, I'll take it. I hate to see a good friend get jacked like that. How did it happen?"
She bounded across the office and wrapped me up in a huge hug. "Oh, thank you. I know you'll be able to get my money back."
"Ah, yeah. About that. The money is probably long gone, Sweetheart. I might be able to find the guy..."
"Girl," she corrected.
I tilted my head, "Girl?"
"Yes. A friend of mine from school. She manages a band. I gave her the money to finance a tour, and then she disappeared."
"This band is where, now?"
"They're here, in town. They came to see me last night, wondering if my friend had come back here. They are running short on funds. They barely have enough for gas or food."
"Slow down, Sweetheart. One thing at a time. Does this friend have a name?"
"Susan Sulley."
"Last seen in?"
"Here, in Lincoln, two weeks ago. She told the lads that she was getting transportation arranged and that she would meet up with them to kick off the tour. They were supposed to leave yesterday, but Susan didn't show. Now they're stuck. They have the gear, but no place to stay and no way to get to their next gig."
"Here's what I'll do. I'll start nosing around, see what I can turn up. Somebody has to have seen something that will give me a lead. In the meantime, get the band together and have them meet me at 'Our Lady', tonight at 7, before it gets too crazy. I need to find Lloyd and Cassandra, anyway, for completely unrelated issues, but they might be able to help, too."
Effie was essentially bouncing with excitement. "Thank you, oh, thank you, I knew I could count on you."
"By the way, what is the name of this band?" I asked as I popped my hat on to my head.
"Groping in the Dark. They are a retro-80's synth/punk fusion band. They cover all the classics, and some of their own stuff, too."
I ushered Effie out of my office and headed downtown. My mind was filling with synthesizer sounds as the earworms gathered.
I made my way over to 'Our Lady', once inside the sounds of 'Im Sexy and I Know it" by LMFAO, were shaking the speakers. Several suits were sipping at beers and trying really hard not to imagine hamsters in thongs.
I grabbed a spot at my usual table near the back, saved a seat for Mr. Beam, and waited for Cassandra. I didn't have long to wait. Cassandra sat at the table. She was wearing her light grey Armani suit with the garnet tank. She looked so out of place, but it was completely by design. It was her goal to not appear untouchable as much as unobtainable.
"So, tell me, my dear, are you ready for the season to begin?"
"Not nearly as much as I'd like to be," she sighed. "All these new conference alignments have me a bit behind the curve. Just the other day I was trying to think about who would win the Big 12 North when I realized that there are only 10 teams in the Big 12 and they aren't even in divisions."
"Tell me about it," I said after sipping at my bourbon. "I pretty much decided that there was the Southeastern Conference of the NFL and the rest of college football trying to play catch-up."
"You're not too far wrong. As I look at it, there are six teams in the SEC that would win the ACC, ten that could win if they were in the Big East."
"All right, let's get this out of the way. Hit me with your traditional Top 13 as Cassandra Sees it."
"I have Nebraska at 13. Call me a homer, but I think that the offense is ready to break out, the defense doesn't have many big names, but they are better in more positions than they are worse in than last year. You can have Lloyd break down the roster for you."
"Interesting, good enough position to sneak up on opponents."
"Clemson is 12th. Lots of offensive firepower but not a great defense. Tough schedule, too, but to start the year, I have them here. Wisconsin, the Stinking Badgers are 11th. They need a new qb, and you don't get a Russell Wilson to transfer in every year. It will be the Monte Ball show as he runs for the Heisman behind a bunch of mastodons. West Virginia is 10th, as they try to make inroads with their traditional Midwest rivals."
I looked up and noticed she had her sly little grin. She was trying to mess with me. "Fine, we get to look forward to the annual showdown between the Mountaineers and Cowboys for tooth gap supremacy. What are your next three?"
"Oregon, need to fill some skill positions, but have a good defense and o-line in good shape. South Carolina is getting better and better in a tough conference. Michigan has a shot at the Rose Bowl, Hoke has those kids playing so much better than under Rodriguez and Shoelaces has learned how to be a true multi-role quarterback, which is scary."
"Let me have the next set," I said as I took another sip.
"Florid State has the defense, and is gearing up on offense. Georgia has an outstanding defense and just needs to get a little bit more efficient on offense and they could be right in the mix. Oklahoma has one of the best quarterbacks in the game, but really, really needs to stay healthy, and could get into the big show because they are the best team in an otherwise weak conference."
"Countdown to 3-2-1 for me, my dear."
Cassandra settled in and gave me that look like here cobalt eyes were seeing the future. "LSU is number 3, the loss of Mathieu will hurt more than most people realize. Brent Mussburger is still sobbing and crying little, tiny tears into his pillow each night. USC is number 2. The have a Heisman contender in Barkley, will have an improved ground game and is living proof that LA has enough talent to weather any NCAA storm short of the 'Death Penalty'. Alabama and the Red Elephants are number 1. Get used to it. They have two tough games of their first three, and if they survive those, they just need to get by LSU, again, for a shot at the whole enchilada."
"One last thing before I go to find Lloyd, give a quick snapshot of how you see the B10."
She sat back and closed her eyes, tenting her fingers on the table. "In the Leaders division, it is Wisconsin by far, then Ohio State, Penn State, Illinois, Purdue and Indiana. On our side of town, in the Legends, right now, I think it is Michigan, Nebraska, Michigan State, Iowa, Northwestern, and Minnesota."
I got up to leave, the girl on stage was dancing to 'Starman' by David Bowie while wearing a silver spacesuit with strategically placed re-entry shields.
Time to go find Lloyd and get the low-down on the Huskers and his 'project'.
Husk-husk and on the QB.
A sharp rap on my office door caused me to twisted awkwardly as Effie, my secretary, client screener and emergency operative walked in.
"You've got a visitor, Sam," she said, somewhat tentatively.
"A client?"
"No. Not a client. Not exactly." She chewed on her lip as she closed the door, pushing it closed with her back. She stared at the floor.
I decided that now would be a good time to take my feet off the piles of manila envelopes sitting on the filing cabinet and swivel around to face her before I lost my balance and fell off the chair, which would result in a grievous case of alcohol abuse. I granted a continuance and stashed the bottles.
Effie looked downcast, and the way she kept her hands behind herself told me she really didn't want me to know something, "C'mon, Effie, spill it. What's going on?" I asked using my concerned big brother voice. She's one of the few people in the world I trust, and I was hoping that she could trust me with whatever was bothering her.
"I have a problem, and I need a favor," she finally explained to the floor. "I invested some money in a project, and, well..."
"What kind of investment are we talking about?" I asked uneasily.
"Well, I have this...friend...who wanted to manage a band."
I leaned back in my chair and rolled my eyes. She hates when I do that, but I couldn't help it. "How much did you give this...'friend'," I asked, barely keeping my tone civil.
"10,000 dollars," she whispered.
"10 grand?" I nearly shouted. "A: where did you get 10 G's? I know how much I don't pay you. B: 'Starting a Band' is one of the oldest scams in the book. And 3: I don't even know were I'll start to look."
Her head snapped up. I winked at her. A faint smile was struggling to gain ground on her face. "You're going to take it?"
I slumped back in my chair, "Yeah, I'll take it. I hate to see a good friend get jacked like that. How did it happen?"
She bounded across the office and wrapped me up in a huge hug. "Oh, thank you. I know you'll be able to get my money back."
"Ah, yeah. About that. The money is probably long gone, Sweetheart. I might be able to find the guy..."
"Girl," she corrected.
I tilted my head, "Girl?"
"Yes. A friend of mine from school. She manages a band. I gave her the money to finance a tour, and then she disappeared."
"This band is where, now?"
"They're here, in town. They came to see me last night, wondering if my friend had come back here. They are running short on funds. They barely have enough for gas or food."
"Slow down, Sweetheart. One thing at a time. Does this friend have a name?"
"Susan Sulley."
"Last seen in?"
"Here, in Lincoln, two weeks ago. She told the lads that she was getting transportation arranged and that she would meet up with them to kick off the tour. They were supposed to leave yesterday, but Susan didn't show. Now they're stuck. They have the gear, but no place to stay and no way to get to their next gig."
"Here's what I'll do. I'll start nosing around, see what I can turn up. Somebody has to have seen something that will give me a lead. In the meantime, get the band together and have them meet me at 'Our Lady', tonight at 7, before it gets too crazy. I need to find Lloyd and Cassandra, anyway, for completely unrelated issues, but they might be able to help, too."
Effie was essentially bouncing with excitement. "Thank you, oh, thank you, I knew I could count on you."
"By the way, what is the name of this band?" I asked as I popped my hat on to my head.
"Groping in the Dark. They are a retro-80's synth/punk fusion band. They cover all the classics, and some of their own stuff, too."
I ushered Effie out of my office and headed downtown. My mind was filling with synthesizer sounds as the earworms gathered.
I made my way over to 'Our Lady', once inside the sounds of 'Im Sexy and I Know it" by LMFAO, were shaking the speakers. Several suits were sipping at beers and trying really hard not to imagine hamsters in thongs.
I grabbed a spot at my usual table near the back, saved a seat for Mr. Beam, and waited for Cassandra. I didn't have long to wait. Cassandra sat at the table. She was wearing her light grey Armani suit with the garnet tank. She looked so out of place, but it was completely by design. It was her goal to not appear untouchable as much as unobtainable.
"So, tell me, my dear, are you ready for the season to begin?"
"Not nearly as much as I'd like to be," she sighed. "All these new conference alignments have me a bit behind the curve. Just the other day I was trying to think about who would win the Big 12 North when I realized that there are only 10 teams in the Big 12 and they aren't even in divisions."
"Tell me about it," I said after sipping at my bourbon. "I pretty much decided that there was the Southeastern Conference of the NFL and the rest of college football trying to play catch-up."
"You're not too far wrong. As I look at it, there are six teams in the SEC that would win the ACC, ten that could win if they were in the Big East."
"All right, let's get this out of the way. Hit me with your traditional Top 13 as Cassandra Sees it."
"I have Nebraska at 13. Call me a homer, but I think that the offense is ready to break out, the defense doesn't have many big names, but they are better in more positions than they are worse in than last year. You can have Lloyd break down the roster for you."
"Interesting, good enough position to sneak up on opponents."
"Clemson is 12th. Lots of offensive firepower but not a great defense. Tough schedule, too, but to start the year, I have them here. Wisconsin, the Stinking Badgers are 11th. They need a new qb, and you don't get a Russell Wilson to transfer in every year. It will be the Monte Ball show as he runs for the Heisman behind a bunch of mastodons. West Virginia is 10th, as they try to make inroads with their traditional Midwest rivals."
I looked up and noticed she had her sly little grin. She was trying to mess with me. "Fine, we get to look forward to the annual showdown between the Mountaineers and Cowboys for tooth gap supremacy. What are your next three?"
"Oregon, need to fill some skill positions, but have a good defense and o-line in good shape. South Carolina is getting better and better in a tough conference. Michigan has a shot at the Rose Bowl, Hoke has those kids playing so much better than under Rodriguez and Shoelaces has learned how to be a true multi-role quarterback, which is scary."
"Let me have the next set," I said as I took another sip.
"Florid State has the defense, and is gearing up on offense. Georgia has an outstanding defense and just needs to get a little bit more efficient on offense and they could be right in the mix. Oklahoma has one of the best quarterbacks in the game, but really, really needs to stay healthy, and could get into the big show because they are the best team in an otherwise weak conference."
"Countdown to 3-2-1 for me, my dear."
Cassandra settled in and gave me that look like here cobalt eyes were seeing the future. "LSU is number 3, the loss of Mathieu will hurt more than most people realize. Brent Mussburger is still sobbing and crying little, tiny tears into his pillow each night. USC is number 2. The have a Heisman contender in Barkley, will have an improved ground game and is living proof that LA has enough talent to weather any NCAA storm short of the 'Death Penalty'. Alabama and the Red Elephants are number 1. Get used to it. They have two tough games of their first three, and if they survive those, they just need to get by LSU, again, for a shot at the whole enchilada."
"One last thing before I go to find Lloyd, give a quick snapshot of how you see the B10."
She sat back and closed her eyes, tenting her fingers on the table. "In the Leaders division, it is Wisconsin by far, then Ohio State, Penn State, Illinois, Purdue and Indiana. On our side of town, in the Legends, right now, I think it is Michigan, Nebraska, Michigan State, Iowa, Northwestern, and Minnesota."
I got up to leave, the girl on stage was dancing to 'Starman' by David Bowie while wearing a silver spacesuit with strategically placed re-entry shields.
Time to go find Lloyd and get the low-down on the Huskers and his 'project'.
Husk-husk and on the QB.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Tebow...or not Tebow
I have been trying to get a handle on this whole "Tebow Time" phenomena that has swept the nation. I'm not exactly sure as to why, but I have found myself labeled a 'Hater', simply because I'm not cheering, supporting or supplicating to the second-year quarterback of the Denver Broncos.
It is interesting to me, how in this dichotomous country that one either embraces a person, idea or party, or, failing that, one becomes a 'Hater' by definition. As with most instances I actually prefer to occupy a grey area of nebulous irresolution until more data comes in. For the sake of argument, and a quick, rhetorical, side-taking leap, I shall embrace the term, but decline to accept all the weight that 'Hater' implies.
If I were writing an essay for Mrs. Kelly, my English teacher (in England, no less), I probably would have to call this piece, "Why I Hate Tim Tebow".
Interestingly enough, I haven't heard anything about him as a person to cause me to dislike him. He seems like an affable fellow, who likes to use his status to bring hapiness to little kids, encourage those struggling with illness and presents his public persona exactly as he his. By all accounts, he is not 'Fake'. Nor has he committed any reprehensible acts that one is looked down upon in decent society. He hasn't been busted for organizing a dog-fighting ring. He isn't paying child support to multiple women in multiple cities. He hasn't had to enter re-hab for an addiction to pain killers. He hasn't had the cops on his doorstep at 3am for smacking his woman around.
As a person, I can't 'Hate on him'.
By all accounts, he is an excellent team leader. At every level, team-mates have lauded his ability to stay positive, even after a bad play. He exhorts his team-mates to keep going beyond their resolve, even when the situation is grim; which in football is a relative term, we're not talking about frontal assaults on prepared positions in the Huertgen Forest, here. He is credited with 'bringing the best' out of every player on the team. I have a hard time believing that the third cornerback, who only comes in on obvious passing downs, is really out there thinking about playing better just so Tebow will notice him. With that said, it must be examined in the negation. There are quarterbacks who are locker-room cancers that can cause an otherwise decent team to implode. One need look no further than New York, Chicago or Denver to find situations where a lack of chemistry between a quaertback and the rest of the team has caused serious disruption.
As a leader, I can't 'Hate on him'.
The red meat that everyone clamors for when discussing Tebow is his religion. One must strive to be extremely fair when approaching this topic, not out of fear, but from the standpoint of a reasonable examiniation of the player and his actions. I will lay my cards on the table, encouraged, if not inspired by Tebow to be open about my beliefs.
I don't.
I am not a believer. Not in Evangelical Christianity specifically or Christianity generally. That being said, I will ask the wolves to forbear their pouncing for just a few more seconds. I don't have a problem with his prayer, or his genuflecting, or his sotto vocce hymn-singing on the sidelines. I don't know what he's praying about, and neither do his advocates. In all fairness, he has never (to my knowledge) made a positive claim of divine intervention. His unabashed expressions of belief have become the grist of late-night comedy, but those are based on impression far more than any actual utterance by Tebow. I am a firm believer in any individiual following whatever spiritual or religious path they wish. I will and have actively defended that right. I do so hoping that my right to not believe receives the same protections. Even if he is on the side-line beseeching the almighty to help cast his enemies into the fiery pit, that's his right.
There are other quarterbacks, who I do like, that are just as religious, but maybe not quite so expressive about it. Drew Brees makes no secret of his belief, and I don't shun him. Steve Young is a direct descendent of Brigham Young. I have no idea how active he was or even if he was a devout Mormon or not, but I had no problems supporting him in his playing days.
I deny that his religion is a reason to 'Hate' on him.
Which brings us to the rub. Why I Hate Tim Tebow.
First, and foremost, and most unfairly, he plays for the Broncos. In openly admit I hate the Broncos. Cards on the table time, again. I am a Seahawks fan and have been from the first day of their existence. Go ahead and take your shots, I've already heard them all. One doesn't stay a Seahawk fan without accepting and embracing the ability to absorb a loss.
When I was growing up, Denver was almost always the superior team and they were in the same division. Even though Seattle and Denver are now in different conferences, I still hate the Broncos. Too many losses at the hands of John Elway. Too many last-second drives resulting in ridiculously long field goals to knock the Seahawks out of playoff contention. If Tebow played for a team that I had less negative feelings for, Tampa Bay, for instance, I'd probably be less hard on him.
He just not that good of a quarterback. In a quick run-down of NFL starting quarterbacks, there are 20, that I would pick before Tebow. Even when posed with the question of Tebow vs. Tavaris Jackson as Seattle's starting quarterback, I have to think long and hard, and even consider with how good Seattle's ground game and defense are, Tebow just might be a good fit, I shudder as a realize that Tebow would never reach the maximum of what Pete Carroll wants to do with the offense.
Which brings us back to Tebow's abilities. His completion percentage is awful. His third down conversion rate is abyssmal, and his passing effectiveness is firmly rooted on a gimmicky offense that relies heavily on the play action pass. My biggest criticism of him is that he takes his eyes off his receivers when he starts scrambling. That forces him to try to re-acquire his targets down-field and gives pursuing defenders even more time to catch him. His size and strength have saved him from taking some sacks, but learning to 'feel' the defenders and keep his eyes downfield would save him from even more sacks.
As to the claim that 'all he does is win', it is simply not true. The Broncos were 1-4 when he was named starter and finished 8-8 (9-8 if you count the playoff game). That is a record of 7-4 as a starter. Not bad. Aaron Rogers won twice that many games, this year, alone. Of those seven wins, none were against teams that made the playoffs. Until the Steelers game, Tebow and the Broncos didn't defeat a team that won more than half their games.
Speaking of the Steelers game, I wasn't as shocked as the pro-Tebow camp. It wasn't an upset on the order of the Vikings knocking out the 49'ers in '87, the Jags bumping the Broncos off in '96, or Seattle Beast-Moding the Saints, last year. Denver was banged up, their quarterback hobbled by a bum ankle and their best corner held out of the game with sickle-cell anemia. The game still went into overtime. In Denver. To me, the game wasn't as much of a display of Denver's strenth as it was of Pittsburgh's weakness.
That being said, I can understand the Denver support for Tebow. Logic says 8-4, twice as many wins over losses since he took over. The bum he replaced is gone after losing four times as many games as he won and scoreboard, Baby. The Broncs won a playoff game and are in the elite 8 of the NFL. He may be the worst quarterback in the playoffs (maybe T.J. Yates is worse) but they are in the playoffs when 24 other teams are watching on the couch. On a side note, I am cheering for New Orleans, New York, Baltimore and New England, this week.
Lost in all the jingositic hoopla that surrounds the non-lethal combat substitute that our city-states engage in, is that football is the ultimate team sport. All eleven player need to act in concert better than the other side's eleven that are actively tring to deny them their successful execution. Add in a healthy dose of strategy (like whichever coach called for the play-action pass on first down against Pittsburgh) and an element of luck, and you have the ultimate in unscripted high drama. The thing that I think has gotten lost in the era of 'Tebow Time' is the concept of team. Without Denver's excellent defense, they would not be able to run the hybridized offense they do. Without an excellent offensive line that excels at run-blocking, Willis McGahee would not be able to alleviate the pressure on Tebow that an effective ground game provides. The NFL has evolved into a cult of personality at quaterback and the surrounding cast merely players upon his stage, but we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that without those surrounding players, the Aaron Rogers', Brew Brees' and Tom Brady's would not hold the exulted statuses they have earned.
I think I have finally hit upon the element of 'Tebow Time' that bugs me. His cult, his status, his positon relative to the rest of the football universe is inversely proportional to his actual accomplishments. It's almost as if he's Schroedinger's quarterback, and the only way to measure his actual value is to open the box and see. Alas, his followers, his Tebowtees won't allow that, since opening the box and measuring the value alters the outcome.
They prohibit any analysis by dismissing any and all that would like to be rational about Tebow as 'Haters'. In accordance with the sociological concept of 'Labeling', I guess I will just have to accept the fact that I am indeed, a 'Hater' of Tim Tebow, with one caveat.
I 'Hate' the Bronco, not the man.
It is interesting to me, how in this dichotomous country that one either embraces a person, idea or party, or, failing that, one becomes a 'Hater' by definition. As with most instances I actually prefer to occupy a grey area of nebulous irresolution until more data comes in. For the sake of argument, and a quick, rhetorical, side-taking leap, I shall embrace the term, but decline to accept all the weight that 'Hater' implies.
If I were writing an essay for Mrs. Kelly, my English teacher (in England, no less), I probably would have to call this piece, "Why I Hate Tim Tebow".
Interestingly enough, I haven't heard anything about him as a person to cause me to dislike him. He seems like an affable fellow, who likes to use his status to bring hapiness to little kids, encourage those struggling with illness and presents his public persona exactly as he his. By all accounts, he is not 'Fake'. Nor has he committed any reprehensible acts that one is looked down upon in decent society. He hasn't been busted for organizing a dog-fighting ring. He isn't paying child support to multiple women in multiple cities. He hasn't had to enter re-hab for an addiction to pain killers. He hasn't had the cops on his doorstep at 3am for smacking his woman around.
As a person, I can't 'Hate on him'.
By all accounts, he is an excellent team leader. At every level, team-mates have lauded his ability to stay positive, even after a bad play. He exhorts his team-mates to keep going beyond their resolve, even when the situation is grim; which in football is a relative term, we're not talking about frontal assaults on prepared positions in the Huertgen Forest, here. He is credited with 'bringing the best' out of every player on the team. I have a hard time believing that the third cornerback, who only comes in on obvious passing downs, is really out there thinking about playing better just so Tebow will notice him. With that said, it must be examined in the negation. There are quarterbacks who are locker-room cancers that can cause an otherwise decent team to implode. One need look no further than New York, Chicago or Denver to find situations where a lack of chemistry between a quaertback and the rest of the team has caused serious disruption.
As a leader, I can't 'Hate on him'.
The red meat that everyone clamors for when discussing Tebow is his religion. One must strive to be extremely fair when approaching this topic, not out of fear, but from the standpoint of a reasonable examiniation of the player and his actions. I will lay my cards on the table, encouraged, if not inspired by Tebow to be open about my beliefs.
I don't.
I am not a believer. Not in Evangelical Christianity specifically or Christianity generally. That being said, I will ask the wolves to forbear their pouncing for just a few more seconds. I don't have a problem with his prayer, or his genuflecting, or his sotto vocce hymn-singing on the sidelines. I don't know what he's praying about, and neither do his advocates. In all fairness, he has never (to my knowledge) made a positive claim of divine intervention. His unabashed expressions of belief have become the grist of late-night comedy, but those are based on impression far more than any actual utterance by Tebow. I am a firm believer in any individiual following whatever spiritual or religious path they wish. I will and have actively defended that right. I do so hoping that my right to not believe receives the same protections. Even if he is on the side-line beseeching the almighty to help cast his enemies into the fiery pit, that's his right.
There are other quarterbacks, who I do like, that are just as religious, but maybe not quite so expressive about it. Drew Brees makes no secret of his belief, and I don't shun him. Steve Young is a direct descendent of Brigham Young. I have no idea how active he was or even if he was a devout Mormon or not, but I had no problems supporting him in his playing days.
I deny that his religion is a reason to 'Hate' on him.
Which brings us to the rub. Why I Hate Tim Tebow.
First, and foremost, and most unfairly, he plays for the Broncos. In openly admit I hate the Broncos. Cards on the table time, again. I am a Seahawks fan and have been from the first day of their existence. Go ahead and take your shots, I've already heard them all. One doesn't stay a Seahawk fan without accepting and embracing the ability to absorb a loss.
When I was growing up, Denver was almost always the superior team and they were in the same division. Even though Seattle and Denver are now in different conferences, I still hate the Broncos. Too many losses at the hands of John Elway. Too many last-second drives resulting in ridiculously long field goals to knock the Seahawks out of playoff contention. If Tebow played for a team that I had less negative feelings for, Tampa Bay, for instance, I'd probably be less hard on him.
He just not that good of a quarterback. In a quick run-down of NFL starting quarterbacks, there are 20, that I would pick before Tebow. Even when posed with the question of Tebow vs. Tavaris Jackson as Seattle's starting quarterback, I have to think long and hard, and even consider with how good Seattle's ground game and defense are, Tebow just might be a good fit, I shudder as a realize that Tebow would never reach the maximum of what Pete Carroll wants to do with the offense.
Which brings us back to Tebow's abilities. His completion percentage is awful. His third down conversion rate is abyssmal, and his passing effectiveness is firmly rooted on a gimmicky offense that relies heavily on the play action pass. My biggest criticism of him is that he takes his eyes off his receivers when he starts scrambling. That forces him to try to re-acquire his targets down-field and gives pursuing defenders even more time to catch him. His size and strength have saved him from taking some sacks, but learning to 'feel' the defenders and keep his eyes downfield would save him from even more sacks.
As to the claim that 'all he does is win', it is simply not true. The Broncos were 1-4 when he was named starter and finished 8-8 (9-8 if you count the playoff game). That is a record of 7-4 as a starter. Not bad. Aaron Rogers won twice that many games, this year, alone. Of those seven wins, none were against teams that made the playoffs. Until the Steelers game, Tebow and the Broncos didn't defeat a team that won more than half their games.
Speaking of the Steelers game, I wasn't as shocked as the pro-Tebow camp. It wasn't an upset on the order of the Vikings knocking out the 49'ers in '87, the Jags bumping the Broncos off in '96, or Seattle Beast-Moding the Saints, last year. Denver was banged up, their quarterback hobbled by a bum ankle and their best corner held out of the game with sickle-cell anemia. The game still went into overtime. In Denver. To me, the game wasn't as much of a display of Denver's strenth as it was of Pittsburgh's weakness.
That being said, I can understand the Denver support for Tebow. Logic says 8-4, twice as many wins over losses since he took over. The bum he replaced is gone after losing four times as many games as he won and scoreboard, Baby. The Broncs won a playoff game and are in the elite 8 of the NFL. He may be the worst quarterback in the playoffs (maybe T.J. Yates is worse) but they are in the playoffs when 24 other teams are watching on the couch. On a side note, I am cheering for New Orleans, New York, Baltimore and New England, this week.
Lost in all the jingositic hoopla that surrounds the non-lethal combat substitute that our city-states engage in, is that football is the ultimate team sport. All eleven player need to act in concert better than the other side's eleven that are actively tring to deny them their successful execution. Add in a healthy dose of strategy (like whichever coach called for the play-action pass on first down against Pittsburgh) and an element of luck, and you have the ultimate in unscripted high drama. The thing that I think has gotten lost in the era of 'Tebow Time' is the concept of team. Without Denver's excellent defense, they would not be able to run the hybridized offense they do. Without an excellent offensive line that excels at run-blocking, Willis McGahee would not be able to alleviate the pressure on Tebow that an effective ground game provides. The NFL has evolved into a cult of personality at quaterback and the surrounding cast merely players upon his stage, but we shouldn't lose sight of the fact that without those surrounding players, the Aaron Rogers', Brew Brees' and Tom Brady's would not hold the exulted statuses they have earned.
I think I have finally hit upon the element of 'Tebow Time' that bugs me. His cult, his status, his positon relative to the rest of the football universe is inversely proportional to his actual accomplishments. It's almost as if he's Schroedinger's quarterback, and the only way to measure his actual value is to open the box and see. Alas, his followers, his Tebowtees won't allow that, since opening the box and measuring the value alters the outcome.
They prohibit any analysis by dismissing any and all that would like to be rational about Tebow as 'Haters'. In accordance with the sociological concept of 'Labeling', I guess I will just have to accept the fact that I am indeed, a 'Hater' of Tim Tebow, with one caveat.
I 'Hate' the Bronco, not the man.
Friday, December 2, 2011
On championships and coaches
Cassandra and I were having a little chat in the office. Mr. Davison was still in a coma, and Lt. Moore was on the lam. Things had been a bit quiet, so we were occupying ourselves with the annual soap opera, 'As the Coaches Turn'.
"Before we get started on the self-indulgent, gratuitous speculation that comes with tracking coaching changes, let me know what our friends and allies have picked for the championship games, this weekend," I said.
Cassandra sighed at me as she finished adding peppermint coffee-mate to her brew. "Leroix is picking LSU in what has got to be the shock of the year."
"Has he named a score?" I asked, trying really hard to imagine Leroix taking anyone but LSU for any reason, and not being able to do it.
"He said he's a little concerned with them 'tightening up' in Atlanta, and that Les Miles hasn't had his annual act of craziness, yet. He's worried that LSU will win, but by less than 10 points, he said Les Tigres 23-Ugas 14."
"How about Clemson and V-Tech?"
"Leroix said I should handle that one. V-Tech is hot, Clemson is not. The Hokies should avenge their only loss and make their way to the Orange bowl. I'm going to say VTU 28, Tigres l'Orange 10."
"How is Bubba handling the Big 12 not-championship?"
"In spite of all evidence, he's sticking with OU. He's putting his money on Stoops out-coaching Gundy, again. I told him he was nuts and the players on the field decide the game, and too many of OU's weapons have tape, bandages and braces on to win, this year."
"We have to make it official," I said. "What is the pick?"
"Bubba says OU 56, Cow Rapers 49."
"Let's head out west. Did you even call Marcus?"
"No. No point. Oregon is playing UCLA. The Little Bears lost to USC by 50. Oregon almost came back to beat USC. If Oregon doesn't win this by 35, it's by personal choice."
"Prediction?"
"Quackers 49-10, lots of work for the scrubs."
"Now for the big one. Whisky or Sparty."
"Granny Gunn is picking U-dub, of course. They have been hot for the past month and are looking for revenge. I asked Lloyd to make a case for the Thpartans and he just mumbled something about them getting lucky like they did last time."
"Based on that, what do you think?"
"Stinking Badgers should own them, 35-17."
"What are your bowl projections?"
"LSU-'Bama in the NGC. Oregon-Wisconsin in the Rose. Virginia Tech-Big East schlub of the week (West Virginia). If Bubba is right, OU-Stanford in the Fiesta, which would set up a Okie Lite-Houston game for the Sugar."
"Tell me about the coaching shuffle," I said.
"There have been 18 head-coaching changes. Three in the B1G, Ohio State, Illinois and Penn State. Urban Meyer has landed the gig in Columbus, and the rest of the B1G is worried. On the upside for NU, it means that Bo's dream job is off the market for the next 5 years or so."
"There were eight other BCS AQ schools that changed coaches. Texas A&M, Kansas, Mississippi and North Carolina. The interesting one is Mike Sherman getting fired from A&M. He's got NFL ties and Pelini ties from their Green Bay days. Turner Gill got a raw deal from Kansas. He got a big, fat buyout, so he can chill for awhile, but I expect to see him back at the NU athletic department offices in the next six months. Not as a coach, though. I'm betting on recruiting coordinator."
"What's that leave us with?"
"The Pac-12 had a coaching bloodbath. Wazzu, UCLA and both Arizona schools fired their coaches. Mike Leach landed the Wazzu gig. He was able to succeed in Lubbock, with leftover Texas talent. The fans will love his style of swashbuckling offense and no-one in the Pac-12 plays defense, anyway, so he could make them a contender, quickly."
"What else was there?"
"Skippy Neuheisel is out at UCLA, expect to see him on TV, next year. Arizona State booted Dennis Erickson, and they'll have to go big-time, big name hire like, I don't know, Kevin Sumlin from Houston."
"OK, tell me again about your Youngstown Connection chain."
"Carl Pelini is all set to take over the Florida Atlantic, job. This frees up a DC slot at Nebraska. Mike Stoops got canned at Arizona. He and Bo worked together as co-DC's at OU when Bo didn't get the gig here, the first time. They have the Youngstown connection, are good buddies, and Mike was over his head as an HC, but DC, here, could be a sweet destination gig. He already knows how Bo thinks, and would allow him to maintain his position as Chief-football-officer of Nebraska, Inc."
Lots to chew on.
Husk-husk and on the qb.
"Before we get started on the self-indulgent, gratuitous speculation that comes with tracking coaching changes, let me know what our friends and allies have picked for the championship games, this weekend," I said.
Cassandra sighed at me as she finished adding peppermint coffee-mate to her brew. "Leroix is picking LSU in what has got to be the shock of the year."
"Has he named a score?" I asked, trying really hard to imagine Leroix taking anyone but LSU for any reason, and not being able to do it.
"He said he's a little concerned with them 'tightening up' in Atlanta, and that Les Miles hasn't had his annual act of craziness, yet. He's worried that LSU will win, but by less than 10 points, he said Les Tigres 23-Ugas 14."
"How about Clemson and V-Tech?"
"Leroix said I should handle that one. V-Tech is hot, Clemson is not. The Hokies should avenge their only loss and make their way to the Orange bowl. I'm going to say VTU 28, Tigres l'Orange 10."
"How is Bubba handling the Big 12 not-championship?"
"In spite of all evidence, he's sticking with OU. He's putting his money on Stoops out-coaching Gundy, again. I told him he was nuts and the players on the field decide the game, and too many of OU's weapons have tape, bandages and braces on to win, this year."
"We have to make it official," I said. "What is the pick?"
"Bubba says OU 56, Cow Rapers 49."
"Let's head out west. Did you even call Marcus?"
"No. No point. Oregon is playing UCLA. The Little Bears lost to USC by 50. Oregon almost came back to beat USC. If Oregon doesn't win this by 35, it's by personal choice."
"Prediction?"
"Quackers 49-10, lots of work for the scrubs."
"Now for the big one. Whisky or Sparty."
"Granny Gunn is picking U-dub, of course. They have been hot for the past month and are looking for revenge. I asked Lloyd to make a case for the Thpartans and he just mumbled something about them getting lucky like they did last time."
"Based on that, what do you think?"
"Stinking Badgers should own them, 35-17."
"What are your bowl projections?"
"LSU-'Bama in the NGC. Oregon-Wisconsin in the Rose. Virginia Tech-Big East schlub of the week (West Virginia). If Bubba is right, OU-Stanford in the Fiesta, which would set up a Okie Lite-Houston game for the Sugar."
"Tell me about the coaching shuffle," I said.
"There have been 18 head-coaching changes. Three in the B1G, Ohio State, Illinois and Penn State. Urban Meyer has landed the gig in Columbus, and the rest of the B1G is worried. On the upside for NU, it means that Bo's dream job is off the market for the next 5 years or so."
"There were eight other BCS AQ schools that changed coaches. Texas A&M, Kansas, Mississippi and North Carolina. The interesting one is Mike Sherman getting fired from A&M. He's got NFL ties and Pelini ties from their Green Bay days. Turner Gill got a raw deal from Kansas. He got a big, fat buyout, so he can chill for awhile, but I expect to see him back at the NU athletic department offices in the next six months. Not as a coach, though. I'm betting on recruiting coordinator."
"What's that leave us with?"
"The Pac-12 had a coaching bloodbath. Wazzu, UCLA and both Arizona schools fired their coaches. Mike Leach landed the Wazzu gig. He was able to succeed in Lubbock, with leftover Texas talent. The fans will love his style of swashbuckling offense and no-one in the Pac-12 plays defense, anyway, so he could make them a contender, quickly."
"What else was there?"
"Skippy Neuheisel is out at UCLA, expect to see him on TV, next year. Arizona State booted Dennis Erickson, and they'll have to go big-time, big name hire like, I don't know, Kevin Sumlin from Houston."
"OK, tell me again about your Youngstown Connection chain."
"Carl Pelini is all set to take over the Florida Atlantic, job. This frees up a DC slot at Nebraska. Mike Stoops got canned at Arizona. He and Bo worked together as co-DC's at OU when Bo didn't get the gig here, the first time. They have the Youngstown connection, are good buddies, and Mike was over his head as an HC, but DC, here, could be a sweet destination gig. He already knows how Bo thinks, and would allow him to maintain his position as Chief-football-officer of Nebraska, Inc."
Lots to chew on.
Husk-husk and on the qb.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Nothing to do
This time of year is always kind of a drag.
For the first time in three years, the Huskers aren't preparing to challenge a behemoth from south of Kansas for a conference title and 'shake up' the BCS. They are chilling, waiting for the bowl possibilities to be revealed and resting up, healing, or maybe playing some X-Box.
The conference championships range from the sublime to the ridiculous. The best to watch should be the B1G Championship, and that is said without bias. Sure, neither team is in the Top 10, and it is a re-match, which everyone hates, right? It is easily the closest match-up of any championship game and Whisky wants to avenge their heartbreaker loss to Sparty. If Whisky wins, they get to make amends for their egg-laying in the Rose Bowl, last year. If Sparty wins, they get to go to the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1988. Wow.
The most important championship game is the SEC's. LSU has to win in order to go to the NCG, but could still get in with a close loss. Georgia has a puncher's chance, but if LSU plays at the level they have all year, then it should be pretty cut-and-dry. This could very well be the best LSU team, ever. Even when they won the NC in 2007 (Bo was DC), they lost two games. If they beat Georgia, and then Alabama (again) they will be 14-0, coming out of the toughest conference in the country. I have been hearing that they might even be better, next year.
The Big 12 has a de facto championship game with the 'Bedlam' game between Okie and Okie light. Their should be over 100 points scored between these two. Both have high-octane offenses, OU's is like 87-test and OSU's is 98, but since neither team defends the pass, the game will be a basketball score.
Out on the left coast, the Pac-12 'championship' needs to remain in quotes. From the North, you have Oregon, who lost one conference game, to USC. From the South, you have UCLA, who is there with a 5-4 record, and a 50-0 loss to the aforementioned USC (who is ineligible for post-season play). Add to that that their coach, Skippy Neuheisel, will coach the game despite having been fired. If Oregon doesn't win this by half-a-hunnert, it's only because Coach Kelly doesn't want his starters getting hurt.
Over in the ACC, Virginia Tech is set for revenge against Clemson, their only loss on the year. VTU is playing lights-out, right now and Clemson has lost three of their last four. If VTU wins, they are the only team that I can make a strong case for facing LSU, rather than Alabama in the NCG. If VTU wins, they will have avenged their only loss of the season, and played an extra game. 'Bama's only loss was to LSU, at home, and the old arguments that hounded Nebraska in 2001 should re-surface. They couldn't win their division, how can they play for the National Championship?
I submit that the case for Alabama is still strong. Over the course of the year, Alabama and LSU have been the best two teams. Both defeated every opponent by 30 points a game, except when they played each other, and that went into overtime. Alabama has the best defense in the country, LSU, the second. If you simply want the best game for the NC, can you honestly say that a Virginia Tech-LSU game in New Orleans would be better than an SEC revenge game?
As for Nebraska, it could be the Capitol One ($4.6m), Outback ($3.5m), or Gator ($2.7m) bowl. All in Florida, and all against an SEC team. The projections have Arkansas, Auburn and South Carolina as potential opponents. Ideally, Nebraska gets the Capitol one against South Carolina, but I think it will be Outback against Arkansas.
Husk-husk and on the qb.
For the first time in three years, the Huskers aren't preparing to challenge a behemoth from south of Kansas for a conference title and 'shake up' the BCS. They are chilling, waiting for the bowl possibilities to be revealed and resting up, healing, or maybe playing some X-Box.
The conference championships range from the sublime to the ridiculous. The best to watch should be the B1G Championship, and that is said without bias. Sure, neither team is in the Top 10, and it is a re-match, which everyone hates, right? It is easily the closest match-up of any championship game and Whisky wants to avenge their heartbreaker loss to Sparty. If Whisky wins, they get to make amends for their egg-laying in the Rose Bowl, last year. If Sparty wins, they get to go to the Rose Bowl for the first time since 1988. Wow.
The most important championship game is the SEC's. LSU has to win in order to go to the NCG, but could still get in with a close loss. Georgia has a puncher's chance, but if LSU plays at the level they have all year, then it should be pretty cut-and-dry. This could very well be the best LSU team, ever. Even when they won the NC in 2007 (Bo was DC), they lost two games. If they beat Georgia, and then Alabama (again) they will be 14-0, coming out of the toughest conference in the country. I have been hearing that they might even be better, next year.
The Big 12 has a de facto championship game with the 'Bedlam' game between Okie and Okie light. Their should be over 100 points scored between these two. Both have high-octane offenses, OU's is like 87-test and OSU's is 98, but since neither team defends the pass, the game will be a basketball score.
Out on the left coast, the Pac-12 'championship' needs to remain in quotes. From the North, you have Oregon, who lost one conference game, to USC. From the South, you have UCLA, who is there with a 5-4 record, and a 50-0 loss to the aforementioned USC (who is ineligible for post-season play). Add to that that their coach, Skippy Neuheisel, will coach the game despite having been fired. If Oregon doesn't win this by half-a-hunnert, it's only because Coach Kelly doesn't want his starters getting hurt.
Over in the ACC, Virginia Tech is set for revenge against Clemson, their only loss on the year. VTU is playing lights-out, right now and Clemson has lost three of their last four. If VTU wins, they are the only team that I can make a strong case for facing LSU, rather than Alabama in the NCG. If VTU wins, they will have avenged their only loss of the season, and played an extra game. 'Bama's only loss was to LSU, at home, and the old arguments that hounded Nebraska in 2001 should re-surface. They couldn't win their division, how can they play for the National Championship?
I submit that the case for Alabama is still strong. Over the course of the year, Alabama and LSU have been the best two teams. Both defeated every opponent by 30 points a game, except when they played each other, and that went into overtime. Alabama has the best defense in the country, LSU, the second. If you simply want the best game for the NC, can you honestly say that a Virginia Tech-LSU game in New Orleans would be better than an SEC revenge game?
As for Nebraska, it could be the Capitol One ($4.6m), Outback ($3.5m), or Gator ($2.7m) bowl. All in Florida, and all against an SEC team. The projections have Arkansas, Auburn and South Carolina as potential opponents. Ideally, Nebraska gets the Capitol one against South Carolina, but I think it will be Outback against Arkansas.
Husk-husk and on the qb.
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